A combination of the international break and the legitimately large Mo Salah news means a relative dearth of nonsense around the place today.

But there is always some nonsense. We have never yet found a day with no nonsense, and don’t believe we ever shall.

Imagine if it did happen, though. Just a whole day of reasonable reporting of legitimate news. Doesn’t bear thinking about, does it?

Fried Rice

Another outstanding bit of headline cut-and-shut work from the Daily Star, who are fast emerging from the shadows of their bigger stablemates as the kings of headline housery.

Arsenal news: Declan Rice transfer conundrum as Mikel Arteta told his talisman is ‘lost’

Now, it’s very, very obvious what that headline wants you to think. Very, very obvious what you’re supposed to infer from it: that Declan Rice is somehow ‘lost’ and that thus his Arsenalfuture is in some way up in the air via this ‘transfer conundrum’.

Obviously, we all know the headline does not in fact mean any of that. But what spare parts have the Star’s skilled story-welders bolted together to make that fiction appear like it could be reality without simply lying?

The ‘Declan Rice conundrum’ is Chris Waddle saying on some podcast or other that he doesn’t think Arsenal need to sign Sandro Tonali off of Newcastle when they already have Rice.

The lost talisman is in fact Bukayo Saka, thanks to a quote from Paul Scholes on another podcast or other.

What’s interesting here is that until very, very recently we’d be confident the Saka angle alone would have been enough. But it’s very quickly become old hat, hasn’t it? ‘Saka is struggling’ is no longer a hot take, so you have to take that and make it look like ‘Rice is struggling’ to get sufficient spice behind it.

Singles in your area

Point of order here, really. Erstwhile England boss Fabio Capello has been talking about the Three Lions’ World Cup chancesand making some pretty valid and certainly topical points about the weariness of England’s top stars come crunch time at the end of domestic seasons and heading into summer tournament time.

But The Sun’sheadline also makes a promise.

Thomas Tuchel sent brutal World Cup reality check by ex-England boss as Arsenal superstar is singled out

Now we can argue all day about whether Capello’s criticisms of England’s efforts in the finals of Euros 2020 and 2024 really count as ‘brutal’ (Conclusion: not really) but it’s the last bit we’re interested in: ‘Arsenal superstar is singled out’

Two issues here. There’s a pretty clear implication that the ‘singled out’ is negative and connected to the ‘brutal World Cup reality check’ when it’s not.

It’s Declan Rice again, with Capello mentioning him as a key player who can in fact drive England forward. But even saying he’s been ‘singled out’ – whether for praise or criticism – isn’t quite right.

The three players he has singled out as key for Tuchel are?Real Madrid‘s?Jude Bellingham,?Bayern Munich?striker?Harry Kane?and?Arsenal‘s?Declan Rice, who would be pivotal in central midfield.

Can you single out a trio?

I dreamed a dream

We can only assume these headlines work unbelievably well, because to Mediawatch these Going For Gold first-person efforts like this one from the Daily Starremain completely baffling.

‘I played with Mohamed Salah – he’s already told me who his dream club is’

We can just about understand it when it headlines a first-person column or on-the-ground piece of reportage. But when it’s done to make the hoovering up of some years-old quotes that have become handily topical again it just feels a bit grubby somehow.

This one is particularly weird, though, because of the specifics.

The I from the story is Micah Richards. And Mo Salah’s dream club is… Liverpool. That’s what Salah told Richards in 2015 when they were at Fiorentina in news Richards himself revealed three years ago in a column for the Daily Mail.

But – and this feels relevant – it’s also news Salah himself has revealed. Nine years ago. When he joined Liverpool.

Ideal standard

Nothing but facts from football.londonon Chelsea’s bid for Champions League qualification.

Chelsea learn ideal route to Champions League qualification as Liam Rosenior faces uphill task

And what is that ideal route?

Ultimately, Chelsea cannot afford to drop any points during the end-of-season run-in if they want to qualify for the UEFA Champions League. Based on the last three years, the Blues would need to finish the campaign on 69 points to claim fourth place.

In order to do so, Rosenior’s side would need to win 21 points from their last seven games. For the brain boxes among you, on paper, that means Chelsea need to win EVERY remaining game of the season.

The ideal route to success? Simply win all of your games. You can’t deny there is a correctness to it as well as an elegant simplicity. Although we do worry about the idea that Chelsea might only now be learning of this ‘win all your games’ hack.

Get in there and make it about you

We do always have some sympathy for regional outlets when one giant storydominates the football narrative landscape and has no real link to their clubs. Especially during the barren hellscape that already exists during an interlull.

So, in a way, it’s hats off to football.londonfor the brazen unapologetic nature of their attempt here to make Mo Salah’s Liverpool exitan Arsenal story.

How Mohamed Salah exit affects Arsenal as Liverpool heading towards transfer disaster

In essence: Salah leaving Liverpool might make them not as good, which would be handy for Arsenal. And they might not have as much money to spend, which would be handy for Arsenal. They might not compete for the title again next season, which would be handy for Arsenal.

Were it not for the Egyptian, the Gunners might have won the title last season, but the winger had one of the best campaigns of his career and dragged Arne Slot’s side to victory.

Does feel like ‘by 10 points’ needs some mention in this daydream, but fair enough.

Again, though, we’re mainly just constantly grudgingly impressed by how little subterfuge there actually is here. It’s just all ‘Here’s the story, that is all about Liverpool. Which will please Arsenal because…’

Perhaps a bigger blow to the Reds over the fact their most talismanic figure is leaving, however, is the fact he will leave before the end of his current deal and without bringing in a transfer fee for the club.

This will certainly please their rivals like Arsenal…

And…

Worse still, Champions League qualification is not yet certain, and without that, it could mean even greater financial restriction.

Arsenal will certainly take encouragement in that…

At least they didn’t try and make it about Spurs.