Arsenal have been hit by ‘a sudden injury crisis’ at ‘the worst possible time’ for Mikel Arteta as their season apparently starts to unravel.

There is also talk of Thomas Tuchel being ‘vulnerable to the madness’ of pre-tournament England because he has called up Jason Steele.

And a brilliantly mad claim about Eddie Howe at Newcastle to boot.

Crisis? What crisis?

Things are going from bad to worse for Arsenal: Quad-breaking defeat to Manchester City in the Carabao Cup final on Sunday, then ‘a mounting injury crisis’ on Tuesday.

It might not be enough to pique the interest of Craig David but that does sound sub-optimal for the Premier League leaders who are also in the Champions League and FA Cup quarter-finals.

We are told by the Daily Mirror websitethat this ‘sudden injury crisis’ has come ‘at the worst possible time’, with a ‘SIXTH’ Gunners withdrawal from international duty.

It does feel like ‘the worst possible time’ would constitute a period in which Arsenal actually have some games to play rather than a 13-day interlull, and would thus be impacted by any form of ‘injury crisis’.

If anything, they have hit their ‘injury crisis’ too well, it coming in literally the best (and most serendipitous) possible time of an international break.

And yeah, this ‘injury crisis’. The standard practice in these cases is cynicism surrounding the physical ailments preventing Leandro Trossard, Gabriel Magalhaes, Eberechi Eze, Jurrien Timber, William Saliba and Martin Odegaard from linking up with their countries for some relatively meaningless friendlies during a crucial period in the club season, and likely returning to full fitness when Arsenal play again, so to flip the usual script is more than a bit disingenuous.

But Mediawatch doesn’t actually hate it. It just means we should retrospectively appreciate the wonders Sir Alex Ferguson managed at Manchester United while in the grips of constant injury crises during international breaks.

As for Arsenal, will a national emergency be declared when Bukayo Saka pulls out of England duty?

A soft Tuch

Fair play to Martin Lipton, Chief Sports Reporter of The Sun, who uses his latest column to basically just indulge in a favourite hobby of the football newspaper reporter – talking about the past while dressing it up as something vaguely relevant to the present.

Thomas Tuchel has picked his final pre-World Cup squad, and naming 35 players, ‘including a keeper who hasn’t played in the Premier League all season – the ultimate ‘vibes’ selection – and 11 of them told to take the first week of the international break off’, could apparently be ‘the first sign that even the German is -vulnerable to the madness that seems to overtake most England managers in the build-up to a World Cup’.

Lipton then regales us with tales of Ron Greenwood gambling on the fitness of Kevin Keegan in 1982, Roy Hodgson taking two left-backs not named Ashley Cole to a tournament and, obviously, the Capello index.

Dunno why, really. It is all tied together incredibly loosely and sort of brought back to Tuchel, who is ‘crossing his fingers and relying on the footballing gods to deliver his best XI, fit and well, for the entire tournament’.

He’s probably hoping his players stay healthy, yes. What’s that got to do with Glenn Hoddle dropping Paul Gascoigne in 1998?

And as for Tuchel’s ‘first sign’ of ‘the madness that seems to overtake most England managers in the build-up to a World Cup’:

1) Genuinely not sure who ‘the ultimate ‘vibes’ selection’ is supposed to be? Is it very good, versatile set-piece taker for a solid Everton side James Garner? Really don’t know.

2) Jason Steele hasn’t played in the Premier League for ages, but that probably doesn’t matter all that much when choosing a training goalkeeper.

3) Not sure he is the first international manager ever to quite sensibly decide that some players – those who are relied upon heavily by their elite clubs across multiple competitions throughout a season and could do with any semblance of rest whenever it can be afforded – should link up with a camp a bit later.

But Lipton got to write about Sven Goran Eriksson choosing Theo Walcott two decades ago and the teenager being ‘more visible in the ice cream parlours of Baden-Baden than the pitch’. So everything is good. Just don’t really know how that means Tuchel is ‘crossing his fingers and relying on the footballing gods to deliver his best XI, fit and well, for the entire tournament’ in 2026, or engaging in pre-tournament ‘madness’ by picking a large group of good players.

Double take-worthy headline of the day

Forgive the MailOnline-ness of it all but…

‘Eddie Howe may have outgrown Newcastle and Man United should be keen, Kepa is too good to be Arsenal No 2… and strange case of a ￡34m January signing: IAN LADYMAN on My Premier League Weekend’

Kepa ‘too good’ to be Arsenal’s back-up? Weird time to make that point but okay. Ooh, the ‘strange case of a ￡34m January signing’, that sounds interesti…wait, does that say ‘Eddie Howe may have outgrown Newcastle’?

It…it bloody well does. It does literally say, after a week in which they were thrashed 7-2 by Barcelonabefore losing at home to Sunderland and falling to 12th in the Premier League table, that ‘Eddie Howe may have outgrown Newcastle’.

Eddie Howe. May. Have. Outgrown. Newcastle.

And Ian Ladyman has not been stitched up by the headline writers here.

‘Instead of asking whether Howe has done all he can for Newcastle,’ he writes, ‘we should probably be talking about whether the club has anything more to offer one of the most talented managers in Europe.’

Nope, does feel like the first one makes far more sense to discuss.

Ladyman tries to pin Newcastle’s struggles on ‘the Premier League’s financial rules’ and adds that ‘only an increase in revenue streams can propel Newcastle forward now and that only comes via a new stadium’. Which is a neat way of trying to absolve Howe of any and all blame for a poor season.

One way of propelling Newcastle forward could be to not spend well over ￡200m on Anthony Elanga, Jacob Ramsey, Nick Woltemade and Yoane Wissa in a single summer. Whether they’re playing at St James’ Park or not, that is an awful lot of waste covered in Howe’s fingerprints.

But of course Howe has ‘outgrown’ Newcastle and should get the Manchester United job. He’d be in for a knighthood if they’d only lost 5-2 at the Nou Camp before being beaten in a Tyne-Wear derby.

A very big house in the COUNTRY

‘Community Shield moved from Wembley and to different COUNTRY over concert clash’ – The Sun website.

It’s at the Millennium Stadium in Cardiff – much like it was for six straight years a couple of decades ago – not sodding Abu Dhabi.

Crack the code

‘Trent Alexander-Arnold drops cryptic message after England snub and Real Madrid punishment’ – Daily Mirror website.

“Real Madrid and nothing else.”

What could it possibly mean?

We do talk about Bruno

On a similar but actually complete opposite note…

‘Bruno Guimaraes agent rubbishes Manchester United transfer rumours in cryptic Newcastle post’ – FourFourTwo.

?

— Alexis Malavolta (@AlexisMalavolt) March 23, 2026

It might be the worst transfer ‘rubbishing’ in history.

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